Looking forward to the first day of term - think again!!!!! 

Only joking of course.  

Mother: How was your first day at school ?
Son: It was all right except for some man called "Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun !

I'm not going back to school ever again
Why ever not ?
The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions !

Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her"

What are you going to be when you get out of school ?
An old man !

What did you learn in school today ?
Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow !

Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write ?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet !

Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class ?
Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips !

Teacher: What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day ?
Pupil: The school bus !

What's yellow, has wheels and lies on its back ?

A dead school bus !

How do bees get to school ?
By school buzz !

Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day ?
Pupil: I get up early !

Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning ?
About an hour and a half after I arrived at school

What would happen if you took the school bus home ?
The police would make you bring it back !

What is the difference between a school bus driver and a cold ?
One knows the roads and one stops the nose !

Mother: How do you like your new teacher ?
Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn't give me one !

Mother: Does your teacher like you ?
Son: Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X's on my test paper !

Mother: How did you find school today ?
Daughter: I just got off the bus and there it was !

Son: I'm not going back to school tomorrow !
Father: Why not ?
Son: Well I've been there a whole day, I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk, so what's the use ?

I'm really glad you called me Fred, Dad
Why is that ?
Because when I got to school that's what everybody called me !

Teacher: If this class doesn't stop making so much noise I'll go crazy ?
Class: Too late, we haven't made a sound for an hour!