Our very valuable collection of school dinner jokes - 

please don't let the dinner ladies read them. 

Where is the best place to have the sickroom at school ?
Next to the canteen !

What do French pupils say after finishing their school dinners ?
Mercy !

Pupil: There are feathers in my custard.
Cook: I know, it's Birds Custard !

Why was school soup rich ?
Because it had 24 carrots in it !      

How many bones have you got in your body ?
Two thousand. I had fish for dinner at school !

Why does the school cook dip the sponge fingers in paraffin ?
In an attempt to make them light !

Pupil: This chicken has spots in it.
Cook: That's OK it's only chickenpox !

What's yellow, thick and often found on school boys ties ?
School custard !

Did you hear about the cruel school cook ?
She beats the eggs and whips the cream !

What's the difference between school tapioca and frogspawn?
Not a lot!

Mum: From now on your going to have free school dinners.
Son: But, Mum, I don't want three school dinners, one is more than enough !

Pupil: There is a dead fly in my dinner
Cook: Oh dear, I wonder if it died after tasting it !

How did the dinner lady get an electric shock ?
She stepped on a bun and a current went up her leg !

Teacher: Why are you the only one in class today ?
Pupil: Because I missed school dinner yesterday !

What's worse than finding a caterpillar in your salad ?
Finding half a caterpillar !

Pupil: This egg is bad
Cook: Don't blame me I only laid the table !

Dinner Lady: Eat up your greens, they are good for your skin.
Pupil: But I don't want green skin !

Pupil: I thought we got a choice for dinner but there is only sausages and fries.
Dinner Lady: That's the choice, take it or leave it !

Dinner Lady: It's very rude to reach over the table for cakes, haven't you got a tongue in your head ?
Pupil: Yes, but my arms are longer !

Pupil: I don't like cheese with holes
Dinner Lady: Well just eat the cheese and leave the holes on the side of your plate !