Teacher: What a glum face, what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours ?
Pupil: I'd be too polite to mention it !

Teacher: What are you reading ?
Pupil: I don't know

Teacher: But you are reading aloud ?
Pupil: But I'm not listening !

Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago ?
Pupil: Me !

Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection ?
Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!

Teacher: How can you prove the world is round ?
Pupil: I didn't say it was !

Teacher: Name two pronouns ?
Pupil: Who ?, me ?

Teacher: What's an American Indian's wife called ?
Pupil: A squaw
Teacher: That's right, and what are their babies called ?
Pupil: Squawkers !

Teacher: Fred, I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting and you've only done it 7 times ?
Pupil: Looks like my counting isn't too good either !

Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing has improved.
Pupil: Thank you
Teacher: Now I can see how bad your spelling is though !

Pupil: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making ?
Dad: Why is that, what are you making ?
Pupil: Mistakes !

Teacher: Can anyone tell me what the wife of a Sultan is called ?
Pupil: A sultana !

Teacher: Where are elephants found ?
Pupil: I don't know, they are so big I didn't think they could get lost !

Teacher: If you add 34,312 + 76,188, divide the answer by 3 and times by 4, what do you get ?
Pupil: The wrong answer !

Teacher: If there are seven flies on a desk and I hit one with a ruler, how many are left ?
Pupil: Just the squashed one !

Teacher: I wished you would pay a little attention
Pupil: I'm paying as little as I can !

Teacher: In what part of the world are the people most ignorant ?
Pupil: Hong Kong
Teacher: Why do you say that ?
Pupil: That's where the atlas says the population is most dense !

Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read Shakespeare ?
Pupil: No
Teacher: What have you read then ?
Pupil: Umm, I've got red hair !

Teacher: In music, if "f" means "forte", what does "ff" mean ?
Pupil: Eighty

Teacher: R-O-X does spell rocks?
Pupil: What does it spell then !

Pupil: Do hams grow on plants ?
Teacher: No, it's a meat ?
Pupil: So what's an ambush then !